new year new me?

I have done this a couple of times taken  resolution that I am going to change myself or I am going to do this and not become that person I was or used to be. I mean tonnes of resolutions. It took me real long time to realise none of this matters no 1st January is going to be a new year or a new beginning for me until I realise from within that everyday can be a new day,every morning can  be  a bright morning if I want it to be. All I have to do is commit to myself, to fall completely in love  with myself to admire each and every imperfections I have ,to not find  new reasons everyday to love someone else instead become that someone else.All of this time I was investing myself on different things.I tried to find the missing piece of my puzzle in someone else's and I constantly failed, I failed terribly to make them happy or to be happy myself  and the day I stopped trying to do so they left, leaving me to think over and over again why would someone leave? just because I stopped trying so hard to make them happy? no it wasn't the reason. It was because I did not love myself. I did not realize that I was that missing piece of my puzzle, only I could make myself happy. Only I could fill in my insecurities. Nobody can love you until you love yourself nobody will respect you until you respect yourself people will tell you that you are fat, ugly , not lovable, not sweet, not caring and infinite things but nothing can affect you, if you know that you are perfect, even that broken piece that stays within you is beautiful,to take pride in failures, to embrace yourself , to be confident to show your crazy side. The day you start admiring yourself  everyday is going to be a new day every midnight is going to be new years midnight and then you will not have to wait for 31st December to find your new self or make new resolutions rather you will be discovering your new side every day of your life.Then everyday will add on to the chapter of your life.

Most of our lives we fight , we fight to win, to be successful none of us wants to fail or be rejected.
Everyone guides you how to not fail! how freely we talk about being happy , being successful, being at a great place.We take pride in discussing about our achievements, but what about failures? those dark nights? those rejections ,those heartbreaks.Why don't we feel free to talk about them?
What makes us stop? why are we afraid to talk about the path that made us who we are today! damaged or not things in the past shaped us! Failures was also a part of it. Why are we trying to hide it? why are we scared to tell that we failed that too terribly, that we made a lot of wrong choices, that we fell alot many times. Let me tell you there is freedom in accepting failure, there is peace in accepting it with a pride, to share failures too. Then only one will know that in spite of all the failures you survived that even when a part of you thought the boat is about to sunk you sailed it through, you didn't let it drown Nobody tells us that it is okay to fail , that it is perfectly normal to make wrong choices! but what is not normal is to regret those choices. Everyday we make various choices we choose to smile or to cry!( now you may think how can that be a choice? i never talked about the genuine smile!) we choose to trust someone, we choose to start a conversation! Now there will be days when someone will betray you and some days  you will betray someone. It will hurt you, but then at the end of the day life goes on and you have to understand that it is all a part of life and everyday adds on to the chapter of life , so add a new chapter "Experience". Don't give others the power to hurt you, to damage you, to affect your life! instead give them a power to teach you.Some of them can be teachers of dark nights while others can be teacher of sunshine.
It is important for you to know that this journey is long and it aint easy! there will be rough times, there will be storms , there will be dark days!
but at the end what will matter is that you survived
So don't just live to see success but also failures , because you will never know how the top feels until you hit rock bottom.

Just A Thought!

What is pain?The dictionary defines it as highly unpleasant physical sensation caused due to injury or sickness.

It does not talk about the pain we go through when we are injured inside. Who do we trust with those shattered piece of glasses ,which has high potential of cutting someone real deep.
When you are broken inside all you read or listen about it, is that only you can fix yourself , only you have the power, but do you really have strength? I never really understood this concept of fixing own self. It is almost like asking the tree whose branch we just chopped to just stick back to its chopped branch if it pains that much and to be optimistic because only we can fix ourselves . Yes the tree grows itself back, again and that too on its own, but it takes really long for it to grow back and in that process it loses a part, a part of itself. It may seem normal to people , but only tree knows what it has lost.
And that is what exactly happens to us. when we go through the period of immense pain and everything in life seems to fall down and all this world asks you to be is patient, positive and optimistic ( yes there are morons who mock at you but trust me not worth even a second) but you know  that deep within you are dying. Yes you are mature and you know it is gonna pass, that this is just a phase and it will be over (at least that is what you tell yourself), but what if it is not a phase but your reality, what if when they say it is gonna pass what they actually mean is that with time you will just accept it more so that it just gives you an illusion that it is over. What if the fight you are fighting is just an illusion, just a perception. What if there is no war , there is no battleground. What if it has always been you and just you. You up against yourself! no matter how hard you try, you have to kill either of yourself , that winning means losing and the other way round. No matter how hard you try no matter how long this fight goes on for you will always end up killing a part of yourself.

The Rented Smile ! Do you know some of us  out of many people are wearing a rented smile, really? Rented? what is a smile exactly  ,where do we get it for rent? how do we pay? Smile is a pleased facial expression, now at least this is what the dictionary says. But some of us happen to wear a smile, for the world and not because we genuinely feel it.Thus instead of finding the true happiness  we rent it.When we get too busy fighting life we lose the real essence of happiness thereby we take a shorter route.We wear a smile during the day and when the night comes and nobody is looking we  pay rent by shedding some tear, by being vulnerable, by being afraid. Why would we rent something so small as smile and that too at such a cost? It is as simple as that, when in life we have broken dreams, rejections, failures, we don't really know whom to trust with our broken self, so we choose to be safe, we choose to wear a smile! to shut ourselves and  when the night comes, all we are left is with a soul that is still broken, someone who is still afraid. But you have to stop! I know it is addictive, to pretend to be merry. At the end of the day you should know that you deserve true joy and whatever it is, it shall pass with time because when the good time doesn't stay forever how can the bad time stay for long. I know that right now it may not seem possible  but trust me there is a sunshine waiting even if it takes months for the sun to rise it will. It is easy to give in to all the negativity but it takes real courage to overcome it, so be that warrior, the knight because happiness just don't happen to knock at your door, you have to fight for it, look out for it, have the vision to see the light when nobody can so that you don't have to Rent a Smile.

What is the meaning of ignorant?
Well in dictionary it says discourteous or rude.
We all will agree with it, sometimes we are ignorant and most of the times others are ignorant .We have to admit it kinda hurts, doesnt it? like here we are tring to talk or do something or being nice to this person and look at them they are so ignorant! they dont even acknowledge us.
Being unnoticed hurts, doesnt it? to not be able to be recognised by someone who somehow holds importance in our lives (not talking about major importance just a little will also do).
But do we ever think why that person is ignorant? surely they did not born this way like c'mon that will b crazy!  we all are born like same literally. But time, series of events shape us as a person and yes importantly our choices finally makes us who we are.How do we become an ignorant person? it is very simple, really! not at all complicated, you remeber the time you did not think it was important to say thank you to the waiter or the time you failed to aknowledge your teacher or the day you thought complimenting someone will be so creepy or may be not your standard or the time you thought thank you was implied, that very moment you helped that person to climb one stair for becoming an ignorant human.We often forget this small detail, what might be small for us may be big for someone. When we take those decisons we change another person's view, we help them become ignorant and gradually they become ignorant in their life as whole.
You know becoming discourteous or rude doesnt give happiness or joy to anyone ,in fact it hurts them more than it hurts you,but by being ignorant they protect themselves from what they did to you that is "ignore"
Ironic!
I am writing this because i have been through it and also i have done it with others too and trust me this does not stop,you ignore them, they in return ignore someone else and this goes on.The only way you can stop it is by not doing what someone did to you, that is ignore.
So compliment others, aknowledge their presence, say thank you to the janitor, appreciate someones effort even if it is small and see how it will bring smile on their faces, how that small gesture will change them, even if it will be tiny one and u never know may be they will not be ignorant
to someone elses effort for them.

Lies
What does a lie mean? we all have our versions of what does a lie mean. for some of us it means that we are protecting the other person from something that could harm them for other it means an easy escape for someone it is not an option
To be honest we choose the meaning of word lie according to the situation. given it us we always want to know the truth bad or good we expect people to be honest with us just like we are with them. Wait a minute we were honest? but didn't the last time you told them they were playing the sports well even when they weren't oh that was just in their best interest wasn't it doesn't count as a lie. Oh yeah we were pretty much honest that time too when we cancelled the plan at the last moment oh that wasn't a lie either because it was in your best interest.
It is ironic really because when we seek advice from our friends or closed ones we expect them to be honest even when it is gonna hurt us because we want to become better we want to take in the negative feedback because that is in our best interest or when someone else cancel last moment we expect them to inform us before hand and not at the end moment.
But what really is a lie?
Lie is that one powerful word that can change your image your relationship with someone it will look like the easiest way but it will end up in worst ways. But once we are lied upon we are left questioned we start to rethink every statement that given person has said all of sudden even their genuine words become lies and that very moment we decide that this person from now on will only lie to us even if they don't. Now let us think deeper when we lie we expect others to understand we expect them to not judge and move on from it real quick. We make the rules we make the definitions we choose to judge others even what they really do is what we did to others even to them may be.
I am not encouraging anyone to lie or to hurt someone from blunt truth .Be a real person tell them where they went wrong add a little positive side to it help them become better than bitter. Sometimes we lie unintentionally but it is never too late to come clean.What I am trying to say is that we all want to be understood for whatever we do but when it comes our turn we rush to conclusions we don't want to give another chance but we always want second chances second time.

From the very beginning to the end who are we living for? whose dream are we fullfilling? are we content? sometime thinking about  our childhood the one thing we  recall is how we would freely dream. Some days we would wanna become model the other days we would wanna become doctor and this would never end.The want of becoming something or the other would just go on and on , nobody would stop us nobody would tell us how hard it is to achive those dreams, may be because we are too small to understand the reality of the world. But as we grow our want to become those star like dreams becomes to fade. We start to face real world real problems and somehow we are not
ready to give it what it takes. We are afraid what others would say, we are held back by our insecurities by the thought of what the society would think about us if we fail.So we choose the other way, we choose the road that others think is best for us and somehow we manage to believe, that yes!that is way easier than walking on the path of achieving our dream. This will make everyone happy even if that does not include me.What are we afraid of? failures? things we would have to listen if we fall? now just forget that and think what about those days when you will regret not being at the place you belong, when you will have monday blues because you are tired of living others dream.
Failure is part of everyone's life, it is just like seasons you cannot live your whole life in sunny days, there will be rainy days, days of spring  and autumn too. Some days you will achieve what you wanted and the other days you will fail terribly. Do not take decisions in your life thinking that this will lead to assured happiness and success because life is  uncertain sometimes the thing we think will surely lead to pardise is the one slowly taking us to hell.So dont kill yourself everyday, every dream of yours is worth a try and every path has its own ups and downs. Don't miss out on life because every second that passes by is not coming back so dont wait for the right time make this moment the right moment.You may fall a couple atimes but lets be serious who hasnt failed in their life? we all have but with  that every failure you learn a lesson that makes you stronger and better.